


Merry Go Round

by LeenaMalfoy



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 09:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10409184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeenaMalfoy/pseuds/LeenaMalfoy





	

This is a Kozik origin, song fic.

The song is Merry Go Round by Machine Gun Kelly.

~  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry go round...  
Look...

Summer day  
Bobby and this girl would wake up every summer day  
This boy and girl had nothing, they were runaways  
~

Kozik POV  
The sun came pouring in through the window. I groaned and wrapped my arm around you tighter. I buried my head into your hair to block out the sun. I felt and heard you giggle as my breath tickled your neck. I smiled and kissed it softly.  
“Mmm you awake, baby?” You asked.  
“No,” I shushed you softly. “I’m sleeping…” I felt you try to wiggle out of my arms and I held you tighter. You let out a frustrated sigh after a bit of trying. I chuckled and bit you softly. You let out a moan and smacked my arm.  
“Don’t do that! Jackass…” You grumbled. I put my head on your shoulder and kissed your cheek softly.  
“I’m sorry beautiful. You’re just so damn delicious.” I told you and you giggled and playfully glared at me.  
“You’re so fucking cheesy.” You told me.  
“Yeah but you love it.” I said.  
“Yes I do and I love you.” You said.  
“I love you too.” I turned your face towards me and gave you a slow, hard kiss. You kissed back with as much love and adoration as I was putting into it. I ended the kiss with a soft bite to your bottom lip. You let out a shaky breath and opened your eyes to look at me.  
“I’m going to marry you.” I said in a whisper. I hadn’t meant to say it but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. I loved you more then anything, I had since our first day of high school, when we met.  
“How about we get married when we both have stable jobs and we don’t live in our car anymore?” You suggested. I looked around the trunk of our car that we were currently laying in and nodded.  
“Deal, I’m going to get a job and take care of us. I promise, Y/N Kozik.” I kissed you and then started getting ready for the day.  
~  
So in love that now all they wanted was pain and so it came  
Never had a silver spoon present in the past  
Now at last, the spoon is present and so the boy wet it  
Told her bring him a slab, a cotton swab, and a match  
And told her one day they’ll fly across the world and have a wedding  
Like “baby I have a plan, come with me to this place  
Baby give me your hand, now flip it give me a vein  
Baby take off your belt, we’ll use it as a restraint”  
She sees that it starts to melt, he reaches inside a case  
Fills the needle with food, flicks the needle with haste  
Brings the needle to her, she isn’t right in the face  
The boy can tell that she’s scared, he says “I love you, okay?”  
Then shoves it into her arm and says “how the fuck does that taste baby?!”  
~  
Kozik POV  
A couple of days after promising to marry you, I had met some guys who offered me a job. Which wasn’t a bad thing, the downside of it though was it was a job selling heroin. Within the first week of selling I had managed to make enough money to rent us a house. You were so excited when I told you that, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you what I was doing for a job yet.  
You were out looking for a job while I was out dealing. After selling, the guys I started dealing for offered me a couple of ounces to go with my payment. Curious about the stuff that I was dealing, I took it. When I got home you weren’t home yet so grabbed one of your belts and loaded some into my arm.  
I kept it hidden from you for the next week and a half. You started picking up on the fact that I was hiding something though. You kept pressuring me about it and finally I couldn’t keep it from you anymore.  
“Baby please just tell me what’s happening!” You sighed.  
“I can’t, okay? Just leave it at that!” I raised my voice slightly.  
“Are you cheating on me?” You whispered like you were afraid of your own voice. That made me pause. I never wanted you to think that. I couldn’t even think of anyone else, you were everything to me. I was never going to love anyone else.  
“Fuck no! Never, baby.” I sighed and put a hand on your cheek and lifted your face so you were looking in my eyes. “You aren’t going to like what I’m going to tell you.”  
“I love you and nothing will change that, Koz.” You said and kissed the palm of my hand softly. I took a deep breath.  
“I’m selling heroin…” I told you. “I’ve also been using it.” I waited for your reaction. You looked confused for a second before your mouth opened slightly as it clicked.  
“Oh.” You said.  
“Oh?” I asked, trying to prompt more out of you.  
“Is that why you were able to afford this place so soon?” You asked. I nodded. You bit your lip and thought about everything. “Are you in any danger?”  
“Some but it’s worth it. If I can give you everything we’ve ever wanted then it’s all worth it. I’ll make enough money and we can buy a house and I’ll take you to England and we’ll get married. You’ve always wanted to go there.” I told her.  
“Just be safe, we can’t get married if you die on me.” You said. I smiled and kissed you softly.  
“You want to try some baby?” I asked.  
“Heroin?” You asked.  
“Yeah, come on baby it’s a rush! Trust me.” I took your hand softly and lead you to the kitchen. “Take off your belt baby, I’ll use it as a restraint.” You took it off and handed it to me. I flipped your hand and tied the belt to the upper part of your arm. I sat you down in the chair and prepared the needle. When it was ready I flicked it and looked down at you. Nervousness was written clear as day on your face. I kissed you softly and tried to put as much comfort as I could behind it. I pulled back and looked you in the eyes. “I love you, okay?”  
“I love you too.” You said and smiled softly at me. I found your vein fast and shoved the needle in. I watched as your eyes started to glaze over and smiled.  
“How the fuck does that taste, baby?”  
~  
[Hook:]  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry go round...  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry, merry, merry go round

 

See Bobby had joined the army  
Been gone for a couple months  
she did anything for that feeling  
But then she started that feeling, early morning she’s kneelin’  
In front of the toilet look at her belly there’s no concealing  
That she’s expecting a child  
This woman is living foul  
She’s only 20 years old  
And hardly can even smile  
~  
Reader’s POV  
Kozik had joined the marines a couple months ago. Cops were busting down on dealing so Kozik figured it would be a steady paycheck until things calmed down and then he would come back to deal again. When he left so did the free heroin he was bringing into the house.  
The little stash that we had only lasted a week and then I started buying from the dealers that he was working for. I started stealing money and selling anything that I could to buy more and more. The more I bought, the more I needed. Everything hurt when I stopped using, especially the pain of Kozik being away.  
I was so wrapped up in needing hit after hit that I didn’t even notice that my stomach was growing, not until I went to go load up and had the overwhelming urge to throw up. I rushed to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet just in time before I threw up. Once my stomach was empty I looked down and took in the growing bump.  
I stood up slowly and rinsed my mouth off before looking in the mirror. My skin was covered with sweat and my hair was a mess. My eyes were bloodshot and had bags under them. My hands started to shake and my eyes filled with tears. I let out an angry scream and punched the mirror. Glass flew everywhere and blood started pouring down my hand. I barely paid any attention to it as I walked out and loaded up. 

~  
Ultrasound shows a baby that’s barely over a pound  
Sold everything in her house just trying to score an ounce  
News of her baby’s father was that he died in the war  
Now that syringe is all that keeps her alive anymore  
No mattress, so her and her child dyin’ on the floor  
As a letter’s at the door reading:  
“I’ll be home tomorrow. love, Bobby”  
~  
Reader’s POV  
I went to the clinic just to see if I really was pregnant. When the ultrasound showed my baby, I began to cry. Kozik should be here for this, I shouldn’t be using, this whole situation should be different. I left the clinic and went back home even more depressed than before. I tried to stop for my baby, for Kozik. I managed to make some progress even with the withdrawal hitting me so hard I thought that I was dying.  
That was until Kozik’s brother came to visit me. I had managed to clean the house up before he came. I made it like it was before I started using. He had knocked on the door and I opened it. I hadn’t seen him since Kozik and I took off when we were 17 so my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked.  
“Can I come in?” He asked. He looked nervous and I nodded. He came in and he took notice of my growing belly. “That’s… are you..?”  
“Yeah I am.” I confirmed.  
“Is it…?” He started.  
“Your brother’s? Yes.” I nodded. He nodded and avoided my eyes.  
“Not to be rude but why the hell are you here?” I asked. He took in a deep breath and then looked me in the eyes.  
“Herman’s dead, Y/N.” He said. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I looked to the ground, my head swirling.  
“W...What?” I asked. My breathing came faster and I looked at him, desperately hoping that this was a joke.  
“Something happened and his ship blew up.” He told me and placed his hand on my shoulder to try and comfort me. I jerked away from him, harshly.  
“Get out…” I whispered harshly.  
“Look, I know how you feel. I loved my brother.” He said. I didn’t want to hear it though.  
“Get out!” I screamed at him. He seemed to take the hint this time and went to the door fast.  
“If you or the baby need anything let me know.” He said before leaving the house. Once he was gone, I ran to my room. I found my stash and quickly set up. Just before I stuck the needle in the sobs racked my body. Days went by and I couldn’t get the heroin fast enough. The only time I felt like I could breathe was when I was high. I sold everything that I could to get more money to buy. I couldn’t even keep track of how much I was using just that I kept adding more and more to each hit. The last hit I took three needles at once and passed out on the floor. I didn’t check the mail before that, so I didn’t know about the letter in the mailbox that Kozik had sent saying he’d be back tomorrow.  
~  
[Hook:]  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry go round...  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry, merry, merry go round

Knockin’ at the door but doesn’t get an answer  
Bobby’s nervous, his heart starts to beat faster  
He hasn’t talked to his girl in so long  
She sold his phone for a hit, damn how he wish that he could hear her laughter  
But his drug hit her like a cancer  
And he forgot ‘cause he had left and cleaned his act up  
Passenger seat in his Acura got a picture of ‘em kissing  
Under the words "happily ever after”  
~  
Kozik’s POV  
I came up to the house that I hadn’t seen in months. I nervously ran a hand through my hair and looked at the picture I kept in my car. It was us sitting in the trunk of it during the time we were staying at the beach. A random tourist had a polaroid camera and asked if we wanted a picture. We had said sure and I kissed you while she was taking it.  
Above the picture of us was “happily ever after” written in your handwriting. I smiled and ran a finger over the picture. I set it down in the passenger seat and got out of the car. I walked up to the house and knocked. When you didn’t answer after a couple minutes, I knocked again.  
I hadn’t talked to you for a while. The phone I had left with you went out of service a while back. I figured you were still upset with me and started writing letters to you. I looked at the full mailbox and started to panic. I kicked the door in and ran inside.  
~  
He walks into the house, it’s a fuckin’ disaster  
Every step he takes his shoe crushes a capsule  
Holds his breath, he knows what he smells isn’t natural  
Looks down, it’s the body of the queen of his castle  
“Baby please, baby please!!!"  
"Wake up!!!”  
He screams on his knees and he sees her hands around her stomach  
Inside was a child  
And realizes it was his…  
~  
Kozik’s POV  
The house was bare except for the bottles of alcohol and the capsules that littered the floor. I gagged as the smell hit me, full force. I put my shirt up over my nose and kept walking through the house.  
“Baby?” I called for you. I made my way to our room and opened the door. My whole body froze as I saw your hand laying on the floor. I followed it to the rest of your body and my stomach lurched painfully as I noticed how still you were.  
“Baby please, baby please!!! Wake up!!!” I rushed to your side and shook you lightly. I kept begging you to wake up as I shook you  
“Fuck! Baby! Come on!” I let out a sob as my hands touched your cold cheek and I looked down from your face to see your other hand curled around your stomach. It was a lot bigger then I remembered. I touched it lightly and it suddenly clicked that you were pregnant. I let out a loud and painful scream of anguish that echoed through the empty house.  
~  
‘cause a facade made a girl give her love away  
But those were Bobby’s consequences that he had to pay  
Love is pain  
~  
Kozik’s POV  
I pulled your cold body close to mine and kissed your forehead softly. I just kept mumbling how sorry I was and how much I loved you as I rocked back and forth slightly.  
“It should've been me... I started this... I did this to you. I’m sorry baby, forgive me...” I whispered as I pulled the engagement ring I had gotten you out of my pocket and slipped it onto your ring finger. “I love you.” I kissed the knuckle above it lightly and pulled you closer as I sobbed harder than I ever have in my life. I had lost my whole world and it was because of my own stupidity.  
~  
[Hook:]  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry go round...  
Merry, merry, merry go round  
I don’t want to see you down  
I don’t want to see you frown  
Merry, merry, merry go round


End file.
